I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
