and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize