i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
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Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
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Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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