do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
