You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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