Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
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