We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
