I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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