You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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