Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
