Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hippo gnu deer
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
