I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
