We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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