margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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