She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
