i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
