new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
