Pants 0. Shit 1.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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