But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
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It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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