..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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