She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
