wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
