Cold hands, warm shart.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
