'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
