i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
