Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
