nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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