i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
