I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
