Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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