Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
