when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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