yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
