the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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