Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Come see our sink grown plant.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
