Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
