At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We were destined to go to rehab together
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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