You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
