how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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