the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
ttyl tear gas
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
