i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
