Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize