I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
