I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
is wine microwaveable?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
