ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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