I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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