glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
