Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
someone owes me an orgasm
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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