I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
