I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
