It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
