The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
