I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
