if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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