"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
