I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
50% drunk capacity currently
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
