can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
