wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
