please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
