I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
