I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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