Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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