At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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