and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
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So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
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I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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