Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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