Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
