No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
